A contradicting life
Sunshine. For a couple days eased the pain. I thought it was the answer. But apprently sunshine doesn’t quite cut it. I’ve fallen into a contradicting life. Where there are 2 things, and only 2 things I want. Happiness and success. Can’t we have both? Because I’m having a hard time trying to figure out how.
You build a bond. A home. A feeling. And are forced to leave. To journey into an unbuilt home, day in and day out. The idea of foundation is stripped from under you. And when happiness here is found in 45 min intervals, I question if happiness can be found in permanence at all. The trouble is, I need both. I need permanence + those 45 min. I want every moment of every day to plaster a smile on my face. I want what seems so hard.. To be a quick gust. I want the life where my happiness isn’t in question, and questions aren’t even options.
I want what was, is, and will be. All at once. But in my scattered room of thought, I know better. Wanting is normal. Needing, however, is a different thing. And now in this moment, what I NEED is slowly becoming more clear.
Where time is of the essence, and this smile comes and goes. I’ll remain uneasy, in hopes that what I truly need will at some point, become reality.
